There have been interesting arguments over Minister of Finance, Kemi Adeosun’s observation that recession is just a word, and
NAN MD, Bayo Onanuga claiming that reports of hardship in the land is
exaggerated propaganda. I think we need to break down the subject
further from a layman’s perspective.
Recession is a word, no doubt, but it is
more than a word, it is an experience: the experience that the majority
of Nigerians is going through. If you are at a significant remove from
that experience, it may be difficult to know how it feels, and if you
are an economist, you are likely to be conveniently obsessed with
textbook ideas.
Recession is when Nigerians begin to
shift the traditional dates for social parties. You know we love parties
a lot. Virtually every weekend, there is one party or the other, very
loud celebrations where people wear the famous aso ebi, and the Naira
becomes a flying object, being thrown all over the place, at the
musician, the celebrant, and her friends and family, with so much joy
floating in the air, and plates of jolloff rice, eaten half way and left
to waste, area boys having their own share of the fun, and Nigerians
showing the world that life is indeed for the living.
Sometimes, these parties make no sense:
imagine a man throwing a big party to “turn the back” of his great
grandfather who died 50 years ago (!) – a great grandfather he never
knew, or a lavish party to celebrate the purchase of a second-hand car.
Those things are very rare these days. And when some parties are held,
the date on the invitation card is during the week: can you imagine
being invited to a wedding on a Monday? I have seen that happen. The
event was over and done with before 5 p.m. Smart way to save money in a
season of recession. There were guests of course, but not the kind of
crowd you’d get at a typical Nigerian party on a Friday or Saturday. The
celebrants actually confessed they didn’t have the means to feed too
many people. That is what recession has done. Nobody boasts anymore
about “declaring surplus” – a once-upon-a-time very famous phrase in
this country!
When I was much younger, my friends and I
used to gate-crash parties. Bored, with not much to do, we would dress
up and go from one party to the other. It was called “mo gbo mo ya” – I
heard and I came. In those days, all you needed was to go to a party to
which you had not been invited, and without knowing anybody, you took a
seat and before long, someone would come along and ask if you had eaten.
In a matter of minutes, whatever you wanted would be placed before you.
Drinks? Some friends used to boast about “finishing” a carton of beer,
and they would have their fill and quietly sneak away. Try that these
days and you would know that recession is more than a word. Virtually
every party is now strictly by invitation. Even when it is not boldly
stated on the invitation card, you’d get to know the truth when you
attempt to gate-crash.
Parties are now organised with such
strict protocols, it is like trying to access Aso Villa. You would be
screened, your bag will be checked, and don’t think it is Boko Haram
attack they are afraid of, they just want to be sure you are not
gate-crashing, and if you don’t have an invitation card, you would of
course be turned back. There are some exceptions of course, where the
protocol is a matter of security: particularly at those parties where
there would be many VIPs. Nigerian VIPs don’t like to mix with just
anybody.
Even if you manage to gatecrash, nobody
will attend to you. What operates at parties these days, is a KYG
(Know-Your-Guest) system. After sitting down, someone has to identify
you as his or her guest. You don’t get served food, unless your host or
hostess gives specific instructions. And you can’t drink a carton of
beer anymore at your host’s expense! I certainly can’t remember when
last I saw anyone getting drunk at other people’s expense at a party.
Even close friends of celebrants, the ones who are a bit comfortable, go
to parties these days with their own small cooler of drinks. The
celebrant will offer you one or two bottles. If you want more than that,
the ushers could become hostile or they could tell you pointedly:
“drinks have finished.” I have had on one occasion to give the ushers,
money to go and get me the drink of my choice. But once upon a time in
this country, drinks don’t stop flowing at parties. The host will be so
ashamed he or she would order more drinks and apologize to no end.
Where I come from, local women used to
go to parties with cellophane bags, hidden away somewhere, and when they
are served food, they would pull out the cellophane bag and pour food
into it, all of that is done under the table. Next thing: they will
start harassing the ushers: “we have not eaten here oh. Nobody has given
us drinks: drinks they have moved to their collection cellophane bags!
But party organisers have also learnt to be vigilant: they serve table
to table; map out the space carefully and monitor the tables. Before
2019, perhaps a time will come when ushers will take your photograph, or
there will be CCTV monitors at social events, just so you don’t come
back and say you have not been served. That is change. That is
recession. If you are a man-about-town, you can’t fail to notice this:
that something has indeed changed in the social circuit. But there is
that one per cent crowd, whose pockets are still so deep, if you get
invited to their parties, it is like going to a surplus declaration
event, what Nigerians call “too much money.” Even that is changing
though, people are learning to be careful, so they don’t get invited to
come and explain how they came about so much money.
Recession is when you now read in the
newspapers virtually every week about people committing suicide.
Nigerians are so fun-loving we were once described as the happiest
people on earth. Right now, we will fail the test. Suicide used to be so
rare in this country. It was considered impossible. Why would anyone
want to kill himself? I used to hear people say: “eba is sweet oh, I
can’t come and die” or “life is for the living” or “e go better.” People
are not so sure anymore. In the past month, there have been reports
about two foreigners doing business in Nigeria who have also committed
suicide. Every reported suicide in recent times, has been tied, one way
or the other, to the recession in the country. One man had an argument
with his wife over school fees and housekeeping money and he went and
ended it all. Another man actually left a note saying he had to kill
himself because there is too much hardship in the country. Marriages are
collapsing. Domestic violence is on the rise.
Husbands that are out of work can no
longer maintain their families, they can’t pay school fees, they have
become useless in their own homes, they are helpless. Their wives want
to leave, even when they are not too sure of the next destination. There
are at least two celebrated cases of women who have either slain their
husbands or wounded them badly. In both cases, there was that notorious
thing about a second woman in the background. Sharing what is not enough
for one person with another woman, in a season of recession, could be a
crime, but the biggest dysfunction is that of the pocket. One woman, a
lawyer oh (!) stabbed her husband in the neck. Another after having sex
with her husband, and putting him to sleep, got a machete and butchered
him. The man is presently in what Yorubas call, “boya o ma ku, boya o
maa ye” condition. Whether he would live or die is uncertain.
Recession is when companies are
retrenching everyday or closing shop and SMEs are dying. In the last one
year, high unemployment figures have been announced. Banks have had to
shed weight; the foreign exchange crisis has forced many companies to
downsize or abandon Nigeria, investors are taking their funds out of the
country, many states of the Federation are so much in distress, they
have stopped paying salaries. Civil servants cannot even afford a bag of
rice, because their minimum wage is N18, 000 and a bag of rice is N22,
000 or higher in some places. Recession is when Nigerians now steal pots
of soup and basic food items, and they can’t buy rams for Sallah, and
they are told “don’t worry, change begins with you!” Every worker who
has lost his or her job in the last one year is not the only one
affected, the knock-on effect has brought anguish to other dependants,
who now have a bread-winner behaving like a bread seeker. That is
recession. That is hardship.
Recession is when enjoyment spots that
used to be filled up every Friday evening are now empty. Nigerians used
to celebrate what they call “Thank God it is Friday.” In Lagos, Friday
evenings used to be the boys’ night. Husbands didn’t go home early.
These days, husbands go home early and Fridays have become slightly
boring. Recession is when prostitutes reduce their charges. I have it on
good authority, from those who know, that even prostitutes have had to
embrace change. And old girlfriends now demand pension benefits.
Recession is when families which used to run the generator 24 hours and
boast that their children can’t stand heat, have had to adjust, and run
the generator only from 12 midnight, or before. Recession is when men
come out and complain that their wives no longer allow them to touch
them: “Are you mad? With the way things are, all you think of is sex?”
Kama Sutra rites are best enjoyed only in happy lands. Recession is when
in spite of all this, the breweries in Nigeria are posting unbelievable
record profits and smiling to the banks. The men go home and privately
drown their sorrow in bottles. Mrs. Adeosun, this is the true meaning of
recession.
Dr.
Reuben Abati was spokesman and special adviser, media and publicity to
President Goodluck Jonathan (2011 – 2015). He tweets from @abati1990.
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the writer.
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