THE popular saying that there are three major events in one’s life; birth, marriage and burial. Out of the three events, wedding ceremony is the only one that the celebrant has the opportunity to have his input in its planning.
In recent times, it is becoming more expensive in some societies in Nigeria to die than to live. In Tivland, Benue State, marriage and burial ceremonies are becoming events extremely burdensome for man.
Within the space of six months, two prominent personalties in Tivland have raised the alarm over the huge sums of money Tiv people invest in wedding and burial ceremonies.
Wife of the governor of the state, Mrs Eunice Ortom had early this year called on the paramount ruler of Tiv nation, Tor Tiv, His Royal Majesty, Professor James Ayatse, to see to how the bride price in Tiv nation could be reviewed downwards.
Mrs Ortom, who paid a courtesy call on the paramount ruler in February, this year, said that the high bride price had rendered many marriageable young ones in Tiv nation to remain unmarried especially in the face of the country’s economic melt down.
However, the paramount ruler who re-echoed this few weeks ago, decried the high bride price and extravagant spending at burial ceremonies among his subjects and called on them to review these as the cost of living was becoming extremely difficult.
The Nigerian Tribune reliably gathered that bride price in Tivland is not actually fixed, but varies in each clan and households. “What is expensive is the programme line up for the events which, in most cases, cost some people a fortune,” Chief Ternemger Kajo said.
Ternemger also submitted that payment of bride price by a man does not end until the wife stops giving birth, it is said that a man is required to ‘renew’ the bride price anytime his wife gives birth.
For Isaac Tyondu, “bride price in Tiv land varies from family to family, in a family what you pay as bride price may not be more than N10,000.00 while in another the bride price may be as high as N35,000.00, but he added that in recent times the situation had changed where some families do not request for bride price.”
On whether the bride price is considered in connection with the lady’ s educational attainment, Terna Vanger said that it depended on families and individuals.
According to him, “it used to be like that in some homes in the past because such parents would argue that it cost them a fortune to train their daughters before a suitor saw her, but I doubt if such still happens now.”
“For instance, just few months ago, my uncle gave out his daughter with just N2,000.00 as bride price on her graduate daughter.
So, to Vanger, bride price is not the problem of marriage in Tivland, but the lavish ceremony which, according to him, include; entertainment, clothes, and other things involved in the marriage rites.
Another angle to the ceremony are some rites that have been imported into the marriage ceremony. According to Vanger, in the past there was nothing like Aso Ebi, having reception at expensive event centres and other things that make wedding ceremony expensive.
However, a first class traditional ruler in the state, Tor Samkera, Chief Abu King Shuluwa who gave an insight into the reason for the clarion call by the Tiv paramount ruler, Tor Tiv, Professor Ayatse, to review downward the high bride price in Tivland said that the manner at which many Tiv expend money on marriage was becoming ‘too exorbitant.
According to him, ‘there are some families who charge high bride price on their daughters, do you know that some people charge as high as N500,000 on their daughters?
“It is so ridiculous, especially this time that things are hard, it was the collective decision of Tiv traditional council to find ways of harmonising this, already a committee has been set up to look into it and come out with reasonable suggestions.”
Also, a prominent Tiv indigene who pleaded anonymity explained that some families had turned traditional marriage to extortion.
“For instance, I know of a family in my village that listed several items most of which were are not part of the customs all in a bid to make money out of it, the whole sum was N350,000.
“That is why you see some ladies eloping with their spouses, whenever they are comfortable, they will come back and perform the traditional rites”, he said.
“In fact, I am a typical example of this, when my family could not afford the traditional rites, I eloped with my wife to Jos until things improved for us about 15 years after, we returned home to do the necessary things, so, it is not uncommon here for a man to elope with his wife”.
In the case of burial ceremony, the expenses depends on individuals and families, but most important thing is that the tomb is always tiled no matter the poverty level of the family.
However, some churches in the state, particularly, in Tivland frown at keeping the dead for long before burial.
According to Mr Tondo who worships at NKST church (church of Tiv people) in Makurdi, the church authority has mandated that dead ones be buried latest two weeks after their demise.
“This is to forestal unnecessary expenses of waiting and planning big for the burial of the dead.”
Tondo explained that what actually makes the cost of burial a bit expensive is the casket and entertainment, ‘ but we have been advised to cut our coat according to our cloth, but the fact still remains that some people still want to go the extra mile to display that they have the money and so spend it lavishly.”
Speaking on the tiling of the tomb of the deceased, Tondo said that Tiv people believed that you decorate the resting place of the loved ones, not minding that the living live in thatched houses in the hamlet/village, the tomb is always given an embellishment with tiles.
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