Have
you eaten today? If not, let me show you this new restaurant. Good
food, the service girls specially attractive, the madam herself is quite
friendly.”
“What are you proposing: the food, the service girls or the madam? Sorry to disappoint you, I am fasting.”
“When did you become a Muslim?”
“Is it only Muslims that fast? Fasting is good for everyone’s spirit and system.”
“Forget about that. Come and have a good bite. I am the one paying anyway, so what’s your problem?”
“This man, are you living in Mars? You
mean you don’t know that this is Ramadan and that some people have made
it risky for non-Muslims to go and eat? I don’t want to risk my life.
Even when you are not fasting or you are a Christian, the best thing to
say during this season is to insist that you are also fasting.”
“This is Nigeria, man. I know many Muslims who are not fasting.”
“This is Nigeria, man. Do you know a Nigerian called Francis Emmanuel?”
“Why should I know him? Does he or she know me?”
“He”
“So?”
“He is in hospital right now as we speak somewhere in Kaduna. He was butchered by some angry Muslim youths in
broad daylight for daring to eat at 2.30 pm during Ramadan. He has cuts
all over his body and he almost lost one of his eyes.”
“But the man is a Christian. He bears the name of a saint and the name of the Messiah”
“Yes, the man told his assailants he is a
Christian, but they wouldn’t listen. The way things are, it is better
not to take chances. I am a Muslim for a purpose. . You won’t find me
eating or drinking in public. What if they start attacking restaurants
and drinking joints?”
“This is a secular country. The Constitution guarantees the freedoms of choice, thought, and association.”
“Clap for yourself”
“But you are not in Kaduna. You are in a cosmopolitan city.”
“Kaduna is also a cosmopolitan city. And
if you must know, in France just yesterday, a waitress was slapped by
radical Muslims for serving alcohol during Ramadan in a restaurant, and
France is supposed to be the country of liberty, equality and
fraternity!”
“Nobody will force you to fast here and
those boys who beat up Francis Emmanuel, are you sure they are Muslims?
They are most likely hiding under the banner of religion to settle some
scores. Are you sure there is no aggrieved lover involved or a quarrel
over a debt or something?”
“You have started. Even when something
is so clear, you’d start shading it. If that was the issue why would the
state Governor visit the man in hospital to console him. Stop twisting
things. I am not going to any joint to eat or drink during. If I must
eat or drink, I will hide inside my room.”
“Stop being funny.”
“I am being funny hen? Have you heard of a woman called Bridget Agbahime?”
“No”
“You obviously don’t pay attention to what is going on in this country.”
“You can’t blame me. I have too many
personal issues to sort out. They have not paid our salary and I haven’t
paid the children’s school fees, the company is threatening to retrench
anybody that talks about salary, my wife is saying I should try and be a
man, and stop being a body without engine, when even government is not
paying anybody.”
“Hold on. Just hold on. Bridget Agbahime
was murdered in Kano about a week ago. Clobbered to death. She was
accused of blasphemy by irate Muslim youths.”
“The spirit of Boko Haram at work. But
those are not Muslims. Those who kill in the name of religion are
criminals and they must be brought to book. But I was already talking
about my own issues, if you will just let me finish…”
“Wait. Has anyone been brought to book? Those who should enforce the law simply look the other way. That is the problem today.”
“There must be something else to it, it
is something at the root of the disunity in Nigeria. One psychiatrist
told me that when a country is in depression and in recession, the
people’s brain also go on recession.”
“To the extent that people will start killing?”
“Nigerians have always killed one
another. The depression and the recession didn’t start today. It started
from the point of independence. It has only grown worse. What baffles
me is that people are committing sin whereas no one should commit sin
during the month of Ramadan. It is the Holy Month. The Prophet (SAW)
tells us “fasting is a shield. Let no one of you during his fasting day –
behave in an obscene manner or become angry. If anybody abuses or
fights with him, let him say: I am fasting”.
“Go and repeat that in Kano and Kaduna.
Go and say that to the people who killed Bridget Aghahime who attacked
Francis Emmanuel, and who burnt down churches.”
“The Prophet (SAW) also tells us that
“whoever does not refrain from falsehood in sayings and deeds and acts
of ignorance, Allah has no need of his abstention from food and drink.”
That’s why I am bringing up my own matter. This is the best time to ask
for financial help. If the spirit of Ramadan is in you, you will help
me.”
“You should go and tell them that in
Abuja, where government officials tell lies as a matter of policy, and
yet, many of them are Muslims and they will claim they are fasting.”
“Religious corruption is as bad as political kwaraption, I know. But people who are ill, travelling or old don’t even have to fast, according to the doctrine.”
“Then, let’s deal with that.”
“But, I can make a case for government officials.”
“How?”
“Government officials have a duty to
give the people hope all the time. They have a duty to prevent
unnecessary news that can deepen public despair in the face of mistrust
and depression. Too much truth can sometimes ruin public faith.”
“No. This is a democracy. The people have a right to know everything.”
“You must balance that with the people’s
need to know. Do they need to know? Who for example has been helped by
the information about President Buhari having ear infection and needing
the services of offshore ENT specialists? You don’t create bad news
unless it is really bad.”
“ I hear it is bad.”
“Every Nigerian has suddenly become an
ear specialist, every carpenter has become an emergency doctor; very
soon pastors, herbalists and imams will claim they have a cure for the
ear, and political opportunists are already talking to the acting
President, there is panic about town.”
“I don’t understand. You are saying we don’t have a right to know?”
“I am saying it would have been enough
to just tell Nigerians that the President was proceeding on vacation.
You don’t load a depressed populace with bad news, unless the news is
really bad. A President can become lame duck in the eyes of the public
for two reasons: if he is sick and incapacitated, or he is at the end of
his term. You can’t project likely incapacitation as a communication
strategy. That is stupid. They have just projected this President as
lame duck. ”
“But the President himself said he is sick.”
“All political leaders want to be loved
by the people. They seek sympathy the same way the body seeks oxygen.
But they must be protected from violent headwinds. Getting them to see
those headwinds is the problem.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I am already thinking of something
else, really. I am thinking of how on earth a Federal Minister will
threaten to de-licence banks if they continue to sack their staff. So
dumb.”
“I even hear that the Governor of the
Central Bank is likely to have a meeting with Bank MDs. Is it the duty
of government to run private businesses, to command and control the
private sector, to dictate to businesses that have boards with fiduciary
responsibilities?”
“It is all part of giving people hope. It is the art of spin.”
“And I am saying deception cannot be a
governance strategy. Companies hold the right to hire and fire, to
determine what is in the best interest of the business, and take
staffing decisions. What is it about a Minister trying to run all
Nigerian businesses? It is not only banks that are sacking staff by the
way. The entire economy is convulsing. ”
“Change. All Promises Cancelled. My only
fear is that one of these days they won’t attack home economics and
just decree that government will start withdrawing marriage licences.
And God knows, many Nigerian husbands are in trouble, with the way my
own wife is now sounding, I just have faith that there is God. I just
pray they won’t withdraw the children too, but if they must, they must
feed them and pay their school fees.”
“This thing called change.”
“One of my friends in fact, had to
declare to the wife that there will no longer be business class travels,
dry cleaning services, generator running on expensive diesel for almost
24 hours, and definitely no more financial requests from her family,
until further notice. The woman raised a storm.”
“I hope that marriage will be intact by 2019.”
“I hope and pray Nigeria will still be
intact. With the madness in the Niger Delta, and those avengers
insisting they don’t want any dialogue with the same people who had
threatened to deal with them, crush them, level the Niger Delta, I am
afraid.”
“But I hear governors of the South
South, with the exception of the governors of Edo and Cross River have
owned up. They say once President Buhari stops fighting corruption there
will be peace.”
“You are really sure about that? Will any elected Governor say something that dumb? And place it on record?”
“That’s what I heard”
“And you don’t have ear infection? Who said it: At an open or closed meeting? But if true, then, we are really in trouble.”
“I believe they said it because they have not denied it.”
“God, what a country! The national brain is in recession. And recession produces cognitive decline.”
“Please, say something positive. Remember Stephen Keshi”
“May the Almighty grant his free soul, peaceful repose”
Dr. Reuben Abati was spokesman and
special adviser, media and publicity to President Goodluck Jonathan
(2011 – 2015). He tweets from @abati1990.
The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author.
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